First Of May (Sarah Brightman)
i can't believe i created this blog. now is at the midnight of 30 april, is yung jen's birthday. To be exact, the time now is 1.44am, First Of May. Actually this is a song's title, sung by Sarah Brightman, one of my favorite singer.
I don't know why i create this blog. I just can't sleep. I choose this blog just becos it is easy to access, nothing else, thought there is better ones out there. I don't know who will read this, i dont even know for what purposed i do this. Perhaps someone out here will read this, someone who i dont know.
I tried to sleep just now, but becos i'm sad, i feel like surfing the internet. Actually i wanted to do this for a long time, but i afraid i do not have the time. i wanted to have a space, something like this, to express myself, to nobody, but i just wanted. Here, there is no boundary and the most important, this is where i will be myself, my true self. Of course, this is counted as my diary, i think...i can't lie to my diary, and in this place, i will always be true, frank and sincere. This is the reason i have my diary called 'This is where my heart belongs'
i din annouced this diary to all my so-called first-degree friend, becos maybe i wasnt prepared. Why should i ? This is like my home... I don't know, i havn't pray for today, but i know He is with me, the one i trusted most.
First of may, 1st May, is Caren's birthday. I havn't wish her a happy birthday,maybe it's too late. I will do it in the afternoon or night, perhaps. She is my trusted friend, my good friend, my best friend. But we seldom talk, becos we seldom meet, most only once a month. Perhaps this is good right? becos we can think of each other, more often, more to the truth. Unlike my classmate, or my school friend, some of them are not what i think. Strange but true, and i can feel a sense, a conspriracy beneath them. I always believe,
but i does not always happend in my life.
I got a girlfriend, she is, i dont know how to say this, one i love the most, one i cannot live without her. When i was young and people say this, i thought they just lost their mind. But only now, i really understand this. Yes, i cant live without here. This , perhaps, is the very reason this blog is not widely published. People say when something is with you, you will take for granted, and only when it is lost, you will start to realise how much you need it.
She is the girl i care the most. but i don know how to express it. i don even know in what way that i have care for her. Now, i realise that i should change that way i write this blog, it should be the first point of view, right, becos i'm the reader here, and maybe this blog will have no any other reader than myself.
Yes, i do feel sad, i think more than i fell happy. But i never express it out to her, bcos i don want her to feel sad also. She got a very very, perhaps super sense. She can know my feeling, what i'm doing and so on when we are on the phone. When i cried sometimes, i pretended to be happy. I tried my best to cover up the tone, tone which bring a sense of sadness. I want her to think that i'm always happy, never have a feeling of sadness.
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
i got many things on my mind, and i don know what it is. It haunted me, for a very long time. I wanted to tell you, but i don even know how to start it. I just want to talk with you, perhaps, to listen to your voice, the voice that brings hope, joy and peace. You are sleeping now, i wish you have a goodnight, rest well for the next dawn. Cover the blanket, and never catch a cold. i have told you "I LOVE YOU" right, i usually say 'love you' without the 'i', because i wanted to tell it face to face with you, not on the phone. I thank you very much to the phone, becos out relationship is built-up mostly with the phone.
I don know what else to say, too much, too tired, too heavy. I hope i can carry on, on my foot, in the journey of life. I wondered before, to end it, myself. But i want to seek, from this hatred world that filled with evil, lust, and temptation. I wanted to seek for joy, peace, hope, and the two of the most precious, LOVE and FREEDOM. I found one...not long ago...and i always hope that it is not lost.
2.24am, according to my computer. It's really late, and never ending if i were to continue. Sweet heart, sleep well, goodnight, goodnight....muakxxzzz..
May this day filled with peace, for XUAN XUAN, who is celebrating her birthrday, and may she is always be protected, from all harms of evil. Let joy be shed upon her, and may He always lead her, when she is in the mist. Happy birthday, my friend. To my dearest, goodnight and peace shall be with you.
I don't know why i create this blog. I just can't sleep. I choose this blog just becos it is easy to access, nothing else, thought there is better ones out there. I don't know who will read this, i dont even know for what purposed i do this. Perhaps someone out here will read this, someone who i dont know.
I tried to sleep just now, but becos i'm sad, i feel like surfing the internet. Actually i wanted to do this for a long time, but i afraid i do not have the time. i wanted to have a space, something like this, to express myself, to nobody, but i just wanted. Here, there is no boundary and the most important, this is where i will be myself, my true self. Of course, this is counted as my diary, i think...i can't lie to my diary, and in this place, i will always be true, frank and sincere. This is the reason i have my diary called 'This is where my heart belongs'
i din annouced this diary to all my so-called first-degree friend, becos maybe i wasnt prepared. Why should i ? This is like my home... I don't know, i havn't pray for today, but i know He is with me, the one i trusted most.
First of may, 1st May, is Caren's birthday. I havn't wish her a happy birthday,maybe it's too late. I will do it in the afternoon or night, perhaps. She is my trusted friend, my good friend, my best friend. But we seldom talk, becos we seldom meet, most only once a month. Perhaps this is good right? becos we can think of each other, more often, more to the truth. Unlike my classmate, or my school friend, some of them are not what i think. Strange but true, and i can feel a sense, a conspriracy beneath them. I always believe,
''how i threat the others, i will be treated the same''
but i does not always happend in my life.
I got a girlfriend, she is, i dont know how to say this, one i love the most, one i cannot live without her. When i was young and people say this, i thought they just lost their mind. But only now, i really understand this. Yes, i cant live without here. This , perhaps, is the very reason this blog is not widely published. People say when something is with you, you will take for granted, and only when it is lost, you will start to realise how much you need it.
She is the girl i care the most. but i don know how to express it. i don even know in what way that i have care for her. Now, i realise that i should change that way i write this blog, it should be the first point of view, right, becos i'm the reader here, and maybe this blog will have no any other reader than myself.
Yes, i do feel sad, i think more than i fell happy. But i never express it out to her, bcos i don want her to feel sad also. She got a very very, perhaps super sense. She can know my feeling, what i'm doing and so on when we are on the phone. When i cried sometimes, i pretended to be happy. I tried my best to cover up the tone, tone which bring a sense of sadness. I want her to think that i'm always happy, never have a feeling of sadness.
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
i got many things on my mind, and i don know what it is. It haunted me, for a very long time. I wanted to tell you, but i don even know how to start it. I just want to talk with you, perhaps, to listen to your voice, the voice that brings hope, joy and peace. You are sleeping now, i wish you have a goodnight, rest well for the next dawn. Cover the blanket, and never catch a cold. i have told you "I LOVE YOU" right, i usually say 'love you' without the 'i', because i wanted to tell it face to face with you, not on the phone. I thank you very much to the phone, becos out relationship is built-up mostly with the phone.
I don know what else to say, too much, too tired, too heavy. I hope i can carry on, on my foot, in the journey of life. I wondered before, to end it, myself. But i want to seek, from this hatred world that filled with evil, lust, and temptation. I wanted to seek for joy, peace, hope, and the two of the most precious, LOVE and FREEDOM. I found one...not long ago...and i always hope that it is not lost.
2.24am, according to my computer. It's really late, and never ending if i were to continue. Sweet heart, sleep well, goodnight, goodnight....muakxxzzz..
May this day filled with peace, for XUAN XUAN, who is celebrating her birthrday, and may she is always be protected, from all harms of evil. Let joy be shed upon her, and may He always lead her, when she is in the mist. Happy birthday, my friend. To my dearest, goodnight and peace shall be with you.
posted by kkhong at 9:04 PM
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